A Boring Story Part One

I did not go home this weekend. I like staying at the apartment on weekends so that I can sleep eternally with no one to bother me. The roommates all went home leaving the apartment to me. And in my eyes the entire place is just a giant bed. So the question was; why am I awake? Wakefulness is such a giant waste of a weekend. My beard was getting itchy. This is the body’s natural indicator of shaving time. That’s when I heard a knocking on the door, but before I could say anything, the door swung open and she paraded in as though she was welcome.

Me: “You know the purpose of knocking is to see if you are allowed to come in.”
Lana: “Yea but I’m always welcome.”
Me: “who are you?”
Lana: “Hardy har har.”
Me: “No really, what’s your name? I don’t remember.”

I knew exactly what her name is. I just like to play stupid all the time to annoy people; especially first year undergrads because they annoy me and I should get some entertainment out of it.

Lana: “How can you not remember my name?”
Me: “Is it Larry?”
Lana: “No that’s a guys name! Try again!”
Me: “I got nothin.”
Lana: “How can you sleep so late?”
Me: “Easy, annoying girls get out of my room, and I fall asleep.”
Lana: “Rude! I even brought you breakfast.”
Me: “Great, bring it back say in 4 hours when I’m awake.”

Just then my roommate, Zachary, came into the room with his normal gleeful and stupid look. Yes, I equate the expression of happiness with stupidity.

Zachary: Dude, free pizza in the common room! We should go.

You see Zachary was one of these people who were obsessed with free food. They’re known as every college student other than me. I used to really enjoy the free food the same way he did but during my final years of undergrad, I decided it wasn’t worth the crowds.

Me: Yes, both of you go get free pizza, and I’m going to go salvage what’s left of my morning.

I locked the door this time, and then I hit the pillow face down.


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